Sarah had a doctor’s appointment last week. Turns out she doesn’t have Celiac. Crazy!! She never got better on the diet and the stomach aches were always there. So they are thinking acid reflux now. It would be nice to find something we can fix. She been through so much in her little life. She is glad to be eating Goldfish crackers again. I have been slowly introducing gluten back into her diet and there have been no affects one way or the other.

I’ll try to write a little more often. Life gets in the way.

We are taking a different direction this time and try to find her medical triggers. It may be blood sugar, which may or may not be easier to manage. Wiggling my nose isn’t helping so I’ll take anything at this point.

Her sweet little face always comes back apologizing after its all over. She just doesn’t understand all these emotions going through her at one time. I hope we can figure this out before puberty hits.

If anyone has any ideas, please share!

I bought the seeds for our garden so we are starting to plant indoors so we can be a little further than we were last year. With the prices of everything going up maybe we can save a little on food. Would love to put a wind mill in too and get off the grid.

I think I have spring fever. I just want to go outside and play in the dirt.

I don’t think there is a music genre that I don’t have. Yesterday I went from listening to Jim Croce to Seether, then Feist and Conrete Blonde. I figure the roller-coaster in music matches the roller-coaster of my moods. Typical woman some would say. At least I can find comedy in it. My kids call my silly all the time. What is wrong with dancing in the living room? At least I am not in my underwear. I like to skip in the grocery store, it makes people smile. Sarah finds it very embarrassing. It love making people smile, it means I made a difference somewhere.

I guess that is my ultimate goal, making a difference. I am not sure what song it is but it said that the greatest accomplishment is what we leave behind. Whether that be my children or a glancing memory of making someone smile I did what I think I am hear to do.

I wrote a poem yesterday. It matched my mood at the time. But like Colorado weather, wait five minutes and it will change. But here you go for your reading pleasure. I am not sure what I should title it. Any ideas?

    The darkness follows me today

    An intense black cloud hangs over my head

    My umbrella is broken

    so I am soaked to the bone

    I can feel my bones shake

    from the cold dark rain

    Trying to put this sadness into words

    never makes sense

    I just let it rain until the cloud runs dry

    The I write another poem with my own tears.

Speaking of wine…

A few times a year my family and I have wine and cheese parties. We belonged to a wine of the month club but could never keep up. So we share with family and friends. Lat time it was a real hoot. Nothing like sauced people playing Guitar Hero. We are having another party in a few weeks. I so look forward to it, will be nice to have the people I care about all together.

Chow!

We’ll be getting the basement finished pretty soon so Sarah will have her own bedroom and bathroom downstairs and Zayne will have Sarah’s old room which is right next to ours. Wow! That is going to be such an adjustment. Wonder how many times I will fall asleep in Zayne’s room because I miss him?

I’ve read in several places where women say the best job in the world is being a mom. I would have to agree. I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t consider being a stay at home mom. I don’t want to miss anything. It breaks my heart when Sarah talks about the moms that help out in her classroom. This was the first year I was able to take a day off and help at their Valentine party. It was fun. All the kids are so nice. Next year Sarah starts junior high and she won’t want mom around.

Luckily, I still have Zayne. I hope to be able to go to every school function he has. I want to be that mom that is there no matter what.

I am not ready for my little boy to be a big boy. Or my little girl to be a preteen. When did all this happen? I certainly didn’t get any older.

My dad loved the little town we live in. Probably one of the main reasons I never plan on leaving. I still run into people at the grocery store that ask about my mom. This is the first place I really had roots.

I was just listening to a song called ‘my town.’ That is what got me started. It is a rare day that I don’t think about dad. He gave me so much. He told me once that he was proud on me. That was the greatest! I wish my brother could have heard those words, he always seems like he is trying to make dad proud.

I don’t put my dad on a pedestal because he was a real person. He had flaws and we loved him for those. I miss him very much!

I watched part of a lecture by a man who is dying. Except for the fact he has cancer, he is much healthier than I am and driven to achieve every dream he has ever had. Does it take the face of death for us to realize what is really important?

The hubby and I talk about wanting to be minimalists all the time. Can’t tell from all the crap in our house. We have storage but even that is overflowing. There are days I wish I could turn the house over and dump everything out. Neither Chad nor I grew up with much money. We always had what we needed but not much more. I think we are making up for it now. Certainly is hard to teach our children how to respect things when there are too many things around.

I have a friend that doesn’t have a TV. I cannot imagine what that is like. But I bet her kids are well rounded. I don’t even think they have a video game consol, they could afford it but they don’t need it. Focus on your own family, huh, what a concept. I would so love to stay home, take care of my kids and eliminate the things that get in the way of us being a family.

Back in the old west there was one bedroom and the family shared it. That sounds very comforting to me. But then mom and dad wouldn’t have much time together. Guess that is why they had “rolls in the hay.” I think families today are missing their center. We work so hard to earn what our family wants and needs and we forget that the most inportant part is each other.

Well, I will get off my horse now and stand on the ground. My notebook is back on the shelf and will again gather dust. It takes strength to swim upstream but I don’t think my fins are strong enough yet.

As much as I get tired of taking medication, I am thankful for it. I tried the natural route, just didn’t stabilize my rickety coaster enough. My current medications are doing great, they have stabilized my coaster with strong steel beams. Occasionally a screw comes loose but them I just seem like a normal person not the bipolar coaster from hell.

Maybe that is why I don’t write poetry as much as I used to. It is harder to write when you are happy because you are busy being happy. But then I didn’t have kids back in the major poetry writing days.  And I certainly wouldn’t want to torture my family but going off my meds just so I can write.

So I write about motherhood, being a wife and the world around me instead of that deep dark hole that I used to dwell in. I like the light up here much better.

I came across one that I wrote for a creative writing class I took.

The card game

A joker turns
 the queen of hearts laughs.
Ace of spades
 stabs my hand.
The king of clubs
 dries my tears.
I shuffle the cards again
 deal them to all the players.
The man in the mask
 lays down four of a kind.
The girl with a grin
 has a full house.
The shadow wins
 with a strait flush.
I stare at my cards only to have
 two pair staring back at me.
My face falls to my hands
 the players leave.
The deck of cards is lying before me
 I can’t tell the difference between the kings
  and jokers.
I turn the first card to see
 the queen of hearts laughing at me.